Mr. President, would you join our Art Directory

Years ago I met a painter in Fells Point named Davis. He's plays chess in the dive bars and calls me "Mr. President." I reply, "Well hello Mr. Secretary." These introductions are the continuation of a joke that began five years ago. The joke involved me winning the Mega-millions, buying an island, starting a government and declaring nuclear war. Money is nice, but going down in history as the only other country to detonate a nuclear weapon in a time of war (on another uninhabited island, no one dies) is worth the cool millions it would take. Davis is a painter of photorealistic skill. His oil paintings (those he keeps anyway) cover his house. They hang on all exposed walls, even inside closets. He asked me for the fifth time to join a directory for local artists in Baltimore. I'm reluctant to place my name on anything, but now I think it might be time to be more open to it. The directory is located at http://www.baltimoreartsdirectory.com./

Absurdist Fiction

Why does Absurdist Fiction have to be for the scholar? The concept of writing stories in this wholly imaginative state intrigues the (a gross bile liquid) out of me. So why get all high brow about it? I don't want to much intrpretation, just let the guy by a bug. Surprize, it's Kafka's - The Metamorphosis, but you knew that. The idea that this form of literary fiction can be funny and creepy and entertaining should be embraced and then allowed to roam free. I don't think we need to think about it so much. I've read Tom Stoppard's - Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, but when I was much younger and didn't have the feel for such literature yet. Now I can read this book and boil down to its roots, but I'd rather stare at it, take it in and see it for the simply weird ass tree it is.

User Testing, the site editor

When I started reading about how user testing and how most people don’t fully understand how things work, and yet muddle through them, I thought “well no s%@t.”

This is human nature, at least in this C student culture we've got. We don’t care how it works so long as it does. Ask your average person where water comes from and they’ll probably say, “ the pipes,” or “the water company.”

This wasn’t a revelation to me. I sure it's not to you either. I figured most people only scan web pages, because no one really cares about something they can’t benefit from.  They are trying to find out if this will work for them. That is why websites with no entertainment value are rarely looked at beyond small clans of counter culture emo-geeks who like being different as a way to feel special, but hey it works for them and it beats the alternative. Who am I to judge. Having said that I expected this from user testing I must conclude that I would still use it in a heartbeat. I’m to close to my own website to judge its user merit with objectivity. I need an editor to go over it and find the typos and flow problems. This makes my site better and that’s the bottom line. 

Always check your parachute before you jump = iMove tutorials from Apple

The Army Special Forces always give good advice. Never sit on a grenade, don't look important, the enemy maybe low on ammo, and always plan/check/then re-check your jump (skydiving). The last one is my focus for this blog, in the sense that using tutorials written by the multimedia gurus can save time and frustration when E-publishing. If you don't understand the program well or have never used it, then looking up a brief tutorial is for you. I went to the apple homepage and found all the info I needed on iMovie. http://www.apple.com/support/ilife/tutorials
I had never heard of iMovie before today. I don't make short films about my life or about skateboarding accidents, I'm talking to you U-tube. I'm sure most of you have already seen or thought of this but if not then I'm glad to help. Besides I'm tired of blogging about autoimmune diseases and the fun time had by sneezing on strangers at the MVA.

Old tools in a new medium

We should strive to make our website 100% hand crafted. No iamge on it should come from an outside source. Don't search the net for an image that is "you," go out and create that image yourself. Customized graphics and images are true artistry. This means spending time outdoors taking photos and further time indoors working with those photos in the program, Photoshop. While out in he world start building more stories, do something that people would want to read about. As for tools, Indesign is a good program to help with and use in refreshing your sites presentation. I suggest everyone who works in the publishing field learn it. Photo's aren't the only way to go when crafting images. I enjoy drawing, but painting is also a great way to make a one of a kind images for your site. The talent to create images and the talent to craft stories should mold together.

Why I like to sneak up on myself, and how I avoid catching myself by surprize.

How to make your website fresh and new, write something entertaining...duh. Another good piece of advice is to start a web comic that makes people laugh. People stick around for the funny, not for the insight. No one cares about insight unless it's from a book that's at least few thousand years old. Web Comic's that are easily accessed everyday and refreshed everyday, that way all those lazy clogs sitting in office cubes can be entertained by pure hilarium at least once a day, bring new readers onto websites. Those new readers might have incentive to look around at your excerpts of writing, if they like your stuff, maybe they will shell out a few coins for it. This is insight I found in a book...that's a few thousand years old.

Angry at the Pics

Hey,

I can't seem to be able to get my profile picture to show up on other people's blogsites. I guess I'm not a natural blogger. Of course it doesn't help that I have no interest in keeping an on-line journal. The whole thing is to egotistical. I don't expect people to give a crap about my daily wanderings. I don't even care that much. I hope to learn more about posting pics in class tonight, because if I don't then why am I paying for a course when I can look everything up on-line myself, besides I tried that already. I'm to frustrated to talk about this so I'll be back when the smoke clears.